On strength…

Don’t call me strong anymore.  You calling me strong has made me into something less than human. Me being strong means that when I am hurting you don’t have to offer me basic human compassion because I guess strong people aren’t human anymore.  Me being strong means that I am supposed to keep eating my feelings and turning the other cheek. Me being strong means my experience gets marginalized because somehow I have overcome adversity and therefore need nothing else but the satisfaction of having survived. For me you have turned the word strong into something that dehumanizes me. I don’t want to be strong.

Let me be weak and have the expectation that someone will understand that I too need care. Let me be weak and fall apart with my feelings and nurse my hurts and take as much time or more as I think I need to get back up while someone else does the heavy lifting. Let me be weak so that I too have the permission to feel all of my feelings to savor the highs and the lows. To not be expected to always be in position to challenge and conquer. I want to be weak.

I should not have to relinquish my strength to be cared for. I should not want to move backwards into weakness to be seen as a person who thinks and feels. How about I be neither strong nor weak?

How about I just be allowed to…be?

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