They say that seven is the number of completion. God’s perfect number. Numerology says that seven is ‘the seeker, the thinker, the searcher of Truth.’ Seven years ago, I rushed back to North Carolina upon learning that my father had died. I left my life and my own plans to come back home.
They say that you can never really return home. It has certainly felt that way. And for as much as I attempted everything I knew how to do, I could never quite get my feet under me. Trust me, I tried. I tried to surround myself with the people, places and things that I hoped would bring that feeling of being at home. Much of those efforts fell flat. I worked my old career. I tried a new career. I fell in love, I broke up. I went to churches and spiritual gatherings. I prayed. I fasted. I sacrificed. I protested, donated and participated. I started a business. I voluntereed. I gained weight , lost it, gained it back and lost it again. And still, I have never quite settled back in.
And I truly believe that is because my time here is up. It has been an introspective, healing and eye opening experience. There has been quite a bit of pain. For a while, when I began to first feel the yearnings to move on, I resisted. I told myself that I was simply running from my problems. But as time progressed, problems came and went and still, I felt my eyes fixing on the horizon to something else. I listened to every voice but my own. Everyone had an idea of what I needed to have, what I needed to be doing, where I needed to be. And I have appreciated the intention, but right now the only voice that I can hear is that of my own personal destiny. Whatever is left behind, is not mine. Whatever remains after I am gone will not cause me to fight over its possession. Call me stupid, call me crazy but you will be calling me long distance because I gotta go.
I asked the Universe to show me the way. And it did. I have accepted a job in Georgia and I will be leaving very, very soon. In some ways, I am sad. Sad for some of the familiarities. Definitely sad for some of the people (my tribe follows me everywhere in my heart so I won’t miss none of y’all…see you at the turn up!) and sad for some of the things that didn’t happen. But truly I am grateful and I feel good! Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredibly frightening to move somewhere where you dont know anyone. The idea of finding a new community is especially daunting. But these are good things to be challenged by and I am definitely up for it.
I dont know if my path will ever lead me back this way, outside of visits. But I do know that in time I will understand why I was here and why I went through so much. And I am glad that this time in my life happened. But nothing beats the joy of knowing its finally over! I love you and I will keep writing here and I hope we keep in touch. I look forward to sharing my new adventures with you from Marietta. I’m sure it’s not goodbye. Only see you later! ❤️