You really have to have the right people around you when you’re feeling vulnerable. Having the wrong people around during those periods of your life will create scars that you will carry for a very long time. It’s much better to be by yourself then to surround yourself with anyone who does not have your best interest in mind. This applies to family, friends, lovers and yes employers. Trust me, the older you will thank you for your decision to protect your future self by making good, solid decisions in lieu of the path of least resistance.
I want to take a moment to thank my friends family members and coworkers for the support extended to me while I attended my son’s trial for first degree murder. My family members rallied around me in a way that reminds me that I must be an active participant in these folks lives because they love me more than anyone else in the world. I might hide from the world from time to time but I’m committed to not hiding from them anymore.
I also had the opportunity to be reminded of what wonderful friends I have. Because I tend to be somewhat of a loner in spite of how active I might look on social media I sometimes forget that I have a wonderful circle of people who really care about me. As I was sitting in that courtroom stunned into silence most days, when my heart was at what seemed it’s lowest, I would turn to see the door part and a friend walk-through. Simply to sit with me for a few hours in silence.
I never once felt an ounce of judgment or condemnation from any of the wonderful people who supported myself, Marc, Amber and Noah.
I have the deepest gratitude to you for your kindness and thoughtfulness during this difficult period. I have difficulty articulating how important your presence was so I will simply say, from the bottom of my heart thank you.
I also want to thank every single person who sent me an inbox message, a text message, a kind comment or left a voicemail. I want to offer my apology for not responding. To be honest I just couldn’t…I didn’t have the words. I still don’t. But it meant everything to me that you made the effort to show me that you cared and that you were trying to reach out.
I especially want to thank everyone who directed their spiritual practices and beliefs towards a positive outcome. There were moments of cool and unexpected comfort and I know that was a result of the spiritual supplications taking place on our behalf. I humbly ask that you will continue to keep us lifted.
The hardest part of all is of course, letting you all know that my son was found guilty of first-degree murder and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. We are appealing the case. However, I understand that this is America.
I offer no judgement on those who hold strong beliefs in this type of sentencing. As a Mother, however I often think of how young Black men are shuffled through a lifetime of micro aggressions, racism and the distrust within ones own community. The barest of life America has to offer all too often. Does this excuse crime? In some cases I say no. In others I say that a hungry person will do all that they can to get fed. And in America, there’s a plethora of hungers available. I also believe that the lack of diagnosis and treatment of mental illness is also a huge issue. This all contributes to an environment so marginalized and devoid of opportunity that for too many, there becomes a necessity for survival tactics in a hostile world. A world where your mere Blackness is already deemed inferior and prone to crime.
Sorry to break it to you, but regardless of ever increasing opportunity to these young men, not everyone has the wherewithal to break sometimes generational cycles.
We all need to do better.
It’s been rough. I’m writing about it though so, that’s good I guess. But there’s good news in all of this! It’s 5:58 am and I haven’t been to sleep, so y’all gotta wait to hear it tomorrow…good
night morning 😘