Ramblings

The pen, or in my case the keyboard is in fact mighty. I have been neglecting my writing. I feel like I have to be in a certain mood to write, but all too often, that feeling, that space is elusive. I am prone to procrastination too, so sometimes, although I can feel the words all bottled up inside, I have trouble sitting down to key board and getting it out.

My forever writing muse gave me a nudge and so here I am, trying again to let some of it out. I hope people are still there and interested in reading. I need the imaginings of others willing to listen. I am trying to hold on to the courage it takes to be transparent in my writing. On the one hand, it feels good but the more I write, I have found some who to my face are ‘fans’ are now those in grocery stores hiding bitter lips behind wrinkled hands held up to dramatically convey tantalizing gossip; derived strictly from a twisted interpretation of my heart as it appears on screen. Lips that have said I love you. Hands that have held mine in my childhood.

But here I am! Still bold, still free, perhaps a bit more cautious. Speaking of here, I love the space I am in most recently! For a multitude of reasons in a multitude of ways. When the life of your imagining comes true, you can either sit in shock or you can thank the blessing of manifestation and get to business. I am getting to business. The business of writing this thing out. And I will get to this business over and over again until I am successful at it becoming second nature to sit and write. Maybe tangles and bits and pieces, random thoughts and vents, but I am ready to see how it shapes up.

Sometimes, I feel like I was born at the wrong time. Either too soon or too late. There is an awkwardness to me socially that challenges me perpetually. Sometimes I feel the things I want the most are somehow otherworldly and way outside of the oddness of these days. Sometimes I feel like I am going through the motions, looking for something that only I can’t seem to find. Questioning and self doubt causing a paralysis of action. Other times, I feel powerful and decisive, sure and confident. I am sure this is normal I tell myself. But I wonder. I bet we all wonder. I think we do, but we process it differently. After all there’s a diagnosis for us all. Every label but human.

Welp, I’m stuck for the moment. Nothing further to say. I do want to write about God, but I am still trying to shake this indoctrinated fear of saying what I want to say. Wish me courage, maybe I will get to it later. It’s a thought and title that’s been bouncing around for several days now and it won’t go away and it wont let me forget about it. For now, I think its time for a nap.

Until later,
Blackberri

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